things you’d like to say

Prompt: Things you’d like to say to an ex

Honestly? I am not in contact with any of my ex’s, and I can’t really think of anything I’d say if I ran into one of them. Most of them were just high school flings, barely memorable. One is dead, shot in a hunting accident. The last boyfriend I had before John was a toxic and abusive relationship, and the only thing I’d say to that guy if I ran into him would be, “Oh, no. I can’t talk,” and then walk away very quickly.

These days, it seems to be a very popular notion to remain friends with one’s ex’s. I don’t really get that. Unless you have kids or work together, it just doesn’t seem like the wisest plan. I mean, in those two specific scenarios, you have to at least stay civil, obviously … but outside of those two situations, I just don’t understand all the pressure people seem to feel to be friends with an ex.

Like, yeah, sure, I’m sure there are those occasional relationships where two people are like, “Ya know, we just don’t work as a couple. How about we remove the sex and try it as friends?” and that actually works for them, and that’s fine!

But I think–mostly from observation, granted, because my sex-boyfriends-exes-trying-to-be-friends-phase was pretty brief and from basically 17-20 (add two years if oral sex counts)–that most of the time people become ex’s for a reason, and that it’s just way too complicated to try and remove sex but stay friends. There are too many feelings and weird dynamics and emotions and jealousies, and it’s all uncomfortable. Then it becomes like a weird power-play dynamic if you try to acknowledge or discuss them, with all the attendant misread signals/ expectations and the humiliation and rejection, and it usually seems that there’s ultimately a second breakup, anyway–the “friend” breakup, or the friend fade.

It’s just better to end things with an ex as cleanly as possible and be like, “Okay, well that was a life lesson learned, and now we move on.”

 

 

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