running out of fucks to give

I don’t know if its the weather lately (stormy and wild), or this inspiring post a friend shared with me, or the creeping realization that I’ve been investing a lot of effort lately on some friendships and getting not just zero response, but practically negative (side eye and shade), even though I have perfectly amazing and fulfilling friendships already.

Its gotten to the point where I was tearing myself up psychologically/ emotionally, trying to gain approval, and for what? Why? Why does it matter?

Was it because I couldn’t stand the thought of someone disliking me? Because I was horrified that someone had a negative perception of me? Ha. Who gives a fuck? I can’t control what other people think; only my own response to the world. Other people will dislike me. That’s just a fact of life. I have to accept that.

It’s ridiculous, right? Friendships are to add value and positivity to our lives. They are people who we enjoy spending time with, and who enjoy spending time with us. We make time for one another, we lift one another up, we share fun jokes with with another. Its about reciprocation and sharing and being, well, friends.

I need to step back and just … not give a fuck. I have no fucks to give.

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