gratitude journal 10-19-12

It’s hard to think of things to be grateful for when you’re running a slight fever, have a stuffed up nose and sore throat, and your head feels like a giant sopping wet cotton ball about to fall right off. Still, there are a few things — but this is an especially repetitious entry, because it’s mostly that I’m grateful for John.

  1. I’m grateful John went to Fred Meyers last night after work and bought a humidifier, so I could breathe (and therefore sleep) during the night. He didn’t have to go. He’d just gotten off work, and it was his time to relax and eat dinner and wind down — but the minute we realized Fred Meyers was open for another 45 minutes, he was out the door and on his way before I could even muster a protest.
  2. I’m grateful John chose to ride the bus in order to go pick up the Nissan from the shop. Again, he didn’t have to — I may be running a fever and nursing a horrific headache from hell, but I can still manage to drive a car for 10 minutes. I could have ridden to the shop with him in the Kia and driven it home while he drove the Nissan home. But once again, he was more concerned with my health and comfort than I was, and he left to ride the bus while I was still sleeping.
  3. I’m grateful he left me alone most of the morning. I don’t like being sick, particularly. Beyond the obvious physical reasons, there are the psychological. For one, I feel like I should be taking care of other people, and I get antsy and uncomfortable when people are thoughtful and considerate of my needs. For another, being sick reminds me of how my mom used to take care of me when I was a kid and I got sick, so in addition to being sick I’m also weepy and grief-stricken, and then I get angry and defensive about people (even my husband) seeing me in this state. I used to wish someone would take care of me when I was sick just like my mom had, but over time I’ve realized that I just wish people would leave me the fuck alone when I’m sick so I can lick my metaphorical wounds in peace. And John does that.
  4. I’m grateful John got up and got Kidling ready for school. Normally, since John gets off work at 10 p.m. and doesn’t get to bed until 11:30 p.m. or midnight, he doesn’t wake up at 7 a.m. to get the Kid ready for school. Now, if I set my alarm for exactly 7 a.m. as well, my shower is delayed while Kidling gets up and uses the bathroom, and my getting-ready-time is interrupted by making sure Kidling eats his breakfast, takes his meds, brushes his teeth, and has his backpack packed before he has to go to the bus top. Without a parent riding him, Kidling just plays on the computer and/or his phone until 5 minutes before it’s time to go, which is then spent frantically racing around wondering where his stuff is. So a less stressful morning involves a parent overseeing the morning ritual. Unfortunately (as mentioned) John has a hard time waking up that early consistently, so it falls more to me. And (as mentioned) this interrupts my own morning routine, meaning I often can’t eat breakfast/ have coffee before leaving for work. So most mornings, I get up at 6:30, take care of my own routine, and wake Kidling up at 7 a.m. so I can chivvy him through his routine and have a less stressful morning. Today, knowing how cruddy I feel, John took care of Kidling’s morning routine while I slept.
  5. I’m grateful for Nyquil. And Dayquil. And my humidifier. And tea with honey. And chicken ramen noodles. They all make me feel better when I’m sick, and that makes it bearable.

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