I am drinking my coffee almost-black. I say “almost” because it has two splenda packets in it, which is still a change from my usual 2 tbls half n’ half and 3 packets of splenda (formerly 3 packets sugar). I am slowly shifting toward full-black. This will happen. It’s like 40 cal/ day for one cup with half n’ half, and I drink 2 or 3 cups a day. It’s friggin’ ridiculous.
I start college next week. Orientation is this Saturday. I will be working full time and attending school full-time (nights/ weekends) in addition to the usual mom/ wife stuff — cleaning house, doing laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, making sure Kidling’s homework is done, etc.
To be fair, John has been picking up way more on those types of chores since I started working, but it’s just not as necessary to him. We have totally different thresholds for a value of “clean enough.” I start getting stressed and snappish if I see one furball on the floor, or one grain of kitty litter in the bathroom, or one dirty dish in the sink — John can handle a bit of mess and clutter. I’m way more anal-retentive. It’s not a gender thing, it’s a nature/nurture thing. My siblings are equally anal-retentive (if not more so) regarding messes, whereas John comes from a different mindset.
Speaking of family, I was kind of worried for a minute there that the in-laws had stalked me out on yet another blog. John and I both got this angry text from his sister last week writing him off for good — the whole passive-aggressive thing about how we’re twisting her words and if we don’t want to hear from her then we won’t and blah blah blah. I was like, great, she somehow found my entry last week.
Then I realized I was reading too much into it, because she’s been sending similar break-up texts all summer, ever since March. Basically, after that post I removed my in-laws from all social networking sites and used google voice to automatically direct their calls through to voicemail.
I told my husband what I was doing, and made it clear I planned on having the same amount of contact with his family that he has with mine (ie: minimal to nonexistent), and that it was up to him to determine how often he and Kidling interacted with them. After all, John doesn’t get along with my family (or think highly of them), yet I talk to my sister and dad on a regular basis. Just because my spouse doesn’t talk to them doesn’t mean I don’t have to, and the same goes for John.
The thing is, I’ve usually been the one to manage visits and phone calls and whatnot. John’s super busy with work and play, and he’s not much one for maintaining interactions, especially when they’re stressful. So he’s not really returned calls or messages since March, either, mainly because, well, they’re stressful and he doesn’t want to deal with it.
So every few weeks, just as the drama seems to be winding down, his sister has suddenly blown up his phone with texts, calls, and FB messages basically trying to guilt-trip him — pictures of her kids, of times we’ve spent together in the past, guilt-trippy rants about how we think she’s worthless and we’re twisting her words, etc. etc. It’s crazy, since these are all responses to utter silence on our part.
It’s also reassuring — these blow-ups happen like clockwork about once a month (hmmmm . . .), so I know they can’t be reacting to my blog again. I haven’t been posting that often. It’s seriously just whatever’s going on in her mind.
My opinion is that she’s going a little stir-crazy as a stay at home mom in an isolated new city with her husband working two jobs — I’ve been there, I know the feel. Kids aren’t great at conversation, and it can get lonely.
Unfortunately, even though I get where she’s coming from, I just don’t have the energy to extend yet another hand of compassion/ friendship. I’ve tried that, and they’ve made their opinion of me so clear that I’m just tired of trying.